Nothing Left to Beg For
by just like our last
Summary: Could have loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold...


**Author's Note: Hello there, my lovely readers! I missed you all in November! Luckily, I finished my NaNo a few days early, so I can write fanfiction again! Yay! And I have a ton of ideas just waiting to come to you, so keep a look out for new fics from me! This particular fic, however, I must warn you about. This fic is _not_ for the faint of heart. I emotionally scarred myself writing it. So... don't read unless you want the possibility of being scarred for life.**

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Dan Schneider.**

And Jade screams.

And Jade screams, and she wakes up sweating and heaving, desperate for breathe, and the end of a bitter nightmare lingers for a moment in her mind, her eyes wide, until she realizes it was just a dream.

Just a dream. Tori is just a friend.

Lies, lies. Yet she forces herself to believe them, for lack of better understanding. Because she does not know what else to do. Because if she submits herself to the understanding that this is actually going on between her and Tori, that this is more than friendship and less than a relationship and behind everyone else's backs, she will be giving in, giving up, admitting that she is not strong enough, admitting that she wants Tori in ways that she has never wanted anyone, and never should want anyone, in ways that not even she can understand.

_Breathe, Jade, breathe_, her mind reminds her, catching her by surprise yet again as she is reminded that she still _has_ a mind, that she is still a human being and she is still very much alive, though she is still trying to figure out exactly why.

Tori is just a friend. Just a friend.

And yet she is not even supposed to be that. She is supposed to be hated, despised, because what Jade does best is hate Tori. And yet she does. She _does_ hate Tori, for making her feel things that she isn't supposed to feel, want things that she isn't supposed to want. She hates Tori for a million different reasons and for no reason at all, and yet she does not hate her.

All at once. All somehow the same. It was just a dream. Tori is gone. Jade looks around at the bed, disorientated and splattered in red, and leans her face into the sheets, the lingering scent of Tori's blood remaining there, the blood stains still wet and distinct, reminding her again that she is only lying to herself and will continue to do so, if only to keep what little sanity she has left.

_Don't, Jade, don't lose yourself yet. You can't._

She knows she will, though. It is like this every time. She always remembers, even though she doesn't want to. She always lets her memory slip back to the night before, a night that should not have happened, but does, every single time.

...

"Jade... Can we talk?"

"Tori, no. I can't do this again. I just can't. You know that. You know that I can't play games with you anymore. I hurt you, I hurt myself, I hurt Beck, I hurt our other friends. I can't do this anymore."

"It's not like that, Jade. Not this time. I think... I think we can make this work. We don't have to do anything, we just..."

And she cuts Tori off with a kiss, a rough kiss, a forced and fought against kiss that she promised herself moments before she wouldn't deliver, and yet she still did. A rough kiss that quickly turns into more, as Tori bites her lower lip and Jade swallows back a moan, gasping for air, only to be interrupted by Tori's tongue.

And then it is bitterness and lust, a bite for a bite, a lick for a lick, fighting against each other the way they fight with words at school, fighting for dominance and Jade pushes Tori, _hard_, onto the bed and forces her down.

"Fight me, Tori. You weak thing, you. You come here begging for me not to do anything and I do, and you don't fight back hard enough. Fight me, bite me,_ fuck_ me." And her voice lingers on the word 'fuck' as she slips her hand towards Tori's jeans, unlatching the button, unzipping the zipper, and slipping a finger into the laced pink panties, causing the brunette to shudder just as it does every time. And Tori fights, just as she was ordered; she always does what Jade wants her to, she wants nothing more than to please Jade, to bring Jade pleasure in whatever way possible. She allows Jade to control her, as she slips her hands down Jade's waste towards Jade's pants, but Jade lifts a hand and slaps her away, reminding her who is in control, and the pale, vicious girl slips a finger into Tori.

It is a blur from there on out, the ripping sound of shirts, panties, and bras being desperately pulled off, because Tori does what Jade wants, Tori fights for her right to feel her lips against the pale girl's bare skin, neck, nipple, stomach. And Jade fights back, forcing Tori down, thrusting her fingers harder and harder, everything happening at once bare bodies pressed together, lips lingering in all the places they shouldn't. And suddenly there is a tug, a bite, a shout.

"_Stop_, Jade," She begs. But Jade only bites her lip to silence her, drawing blood. Leaving Tori breathless and bleeding and sliding closer towards her, begging for more, tongues mingling, Jade's fingers still thrusting viciously inside her. And Jade feels the blood on her fingers, and looks down to see that she is successful, and lets out a low cackle as Tori's blood drips onto her sheets.

"Jade..." She whimpers, she tries to pull away, but Jade continues, harder still, knowing that she is hurting Tori, the nails of her other hand raking hard down the brunette's back, leaving deep scars. Tori shivers, whimpering harder still, but gives in, allowing Jade to have what she wants, as always.

"This isn't right... Jade, please..."

"You asked for it, you little _bitch_. You asked for it. I don't even know who I am anymore because of you. You took away everything, my sanity, my ability to feel, my way of life. So this is how you're gonna_ pay_. You're gonna give me exactly what I want from you. And don't even act like you don't want it too, because I know you do." Jade's voice is slurred and low, breathed into Tori's mouth in another vicious kiss. Jade bites down on Tori's tongue, causing Tori to whimper yet again. But she doesn't pull back. She doesn't protest. She allows Jade to thrust the hand that is still inside her harder still. Tori is shaking now; she cannot control herself. She falls limp, still in Jade's grasp, a pile of blood now beginning to formulate on the sheet at her rear, Jade's hand becoming soaked, her fingers still within Tori. She lets Jade thrust, bite, lick, claw, all over her body, until her nipples are now bleeding too, the pale girl's tongue tickling them in ways that make Tori shiver, despite how limp and emotionless she now is.

"I thought I told you to fight. Do you want to fuck me too, Tori? I want you to. Come on. Fight for your damn right. You're stronger than this." Jade keeps thrusting, pushing harder and harder, Tori shaking.

"I'm not st-strong enough. Can we please stop, Jade? I..."

"_No_!" Jade screams out, slipping her now bloodied hand out of the brunette. "Who do you think you are, Tori?" She demands, lifting her bloody hand to Tori's face. "Look at this, you weak thing. I can make you bleed in places you never thought you'd bleed. I can fuck you harder and harder, I can stick my face down there and fucking bite you hard, I can, and I think I freakin' will."

"_Please_, Jade..." A feeble plea, silenced this time as Jade bites down on Tori's neck. "Jade! Stop it!" She feels the bruise forming, the numbing pain as Jade licks and bites all the way down her neck, deep black hair falling to cover the pale girl's face.

"Give me what I want, fight me, fuck me. It's the least you can do..." She whispers, forcing herself upon the girl, running her bloody hand up Tori's shaking back, smearing the girl in her own blood. "What's wrong with you?" She demands as she claws at the girl with that same bloody hand, the other hand coming down to the back of Tori's buttocks to grip at her, clawing her there too, Jade's long dark nails lingering on her skin.

"I can't. I'm sorry, Jade, I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you... I want to please you but I just..." Somehow, Tori manages to lift a hand, bringing it towards Jade's skin in a weak attempt to give her what she wants.

"You can't. You can't, because you're pathetic. I _hate _you, Tori. I hate the way you make me feel, the way you make me confused about everything, the way you ruin my life with that smile of your's that makes me feel things I'm not supposed to feel. I hate that we can't talk about this, and we just do it, because I can't bear to face these emotions, because I don't even know what these emotions are. I hate that you can't give me what I want from you, even if I don't even know what that is."

Tori whimpers, she weakens, and she gives in. And she gives her entire being up to Jade, submitting herself to the numb pain, the dull thud, and the brutal thrusts. Tori is bleeding everywhere as Jade leans her head down and bites and licks between Tori's legs in ways that she never thought possible, making Tori tingle all over. But she cannot do anything, for she is in too much pain, bleeding all over and covered in her own blood, the pale girl's black hair falling onto her thighs as she does what she wants to with her tongue and Tori grips at the bed in desperation, clinging to the last of her sanity.

She passes out, but Jade continues nonetheless, seeking out every last inch of Tori's body for her own sick desires. Maliciously, she lustfully seeks to destroy every last bit of the unconscious girl. Hands slice over breasts, teeth bite at stomach, lips linger upon neck. And once both bodies are covered completely in the brunette's blood, and Tori's unconscious body is covered in bleeding scars, Jade fades into an unconscious state, a hand lingering on Tori's stomach, her head resting on a blood-spotted pillow. The appearance of a murder scene of lust and emotionless turmoil, of what could have been mistaken for a homicide, be it not for the faint rise and fall of Vega's bleeding chest.

...

_You can't, Jade, you can't do this to yourself. This isn't happening, this didn't happen, Tori is not..._

"Tori, I don't love you." She has to say it, she just has to, she cannot say anything else. Tori has been reduced to wearing her baggiest clothing, hiding the scars of the nights she spends bitterly allowing Jade to control her.

"I know," Tori breathes. She turns her head, she looks down, she lets a tear slip from her face. Jade does not love her. Jade uses her as a plaything, ripping her to pieces for her own sick enjoyment. And she lets her. Why does she let her? Because she loves her. Because all she wants is for Jade to love her in return. Because she will give Jade anything she wants, even if it leaves her bleeding and unconscious, if only to let the pale girl know that Tori is giving her everything she has, and she wishes that could be enough. And she wishes she could fight back, if only so that Jade would want her more, so that Jade would be pleased.

Tori can't do this, though. She can't keep allowing herself to be Jade's little plaything, forcing herself into abusive... whatever they were doing. She isn't even sure what to call it, the way Jade plays her and made her bleed. She watches Jade kiss Beck at school still, and cringes every time, a dull pain in her heart reminding her that Jade has hurt her now in every way possible, both physically and emotionally. And Jade looks at her, a malicious glint playing in her eyes, and she pulls Tori into the janitors closet and bites and her neck and tongue in between classes, playing rough and leaving Tori more broken every time.

And she can't handle it. Tori can't do this to herself, because she is weak, just as Jade said. She is weak and pathetic, and Jade controls her every action. The only thing that keeps her going is the realization that she is letting Jade have what she wants; even if Jade wants Tori to fuck her but Tori is too weak, she is at least giving Jade the ability to do whatever she wants to her.

She doesn't really have her sanity anymore. She lost that when she lost her virginity, lost everything to Jade in a way that she cannot even comprehend. She lost herself.

And the sick thing is, she enjoys it.


End file.
